Surreal Life, part two

•08/16/2011 • 1 Comment

A true story, I promise, the majority of the dialogue is accurate as far as intent and wording, but not necessarily accurate as to the timing of each line.

Scene 3

Having received no call back from the police, the Trill phones again the next day, and leaves another message. A couple of days later, the wee beast sounds the alarm that someone is at the door. (Note that the Trill had given only her cell number to the police, that it’s a prepaid phone, and yet they found her. Scary, no?)

Trill: (disheveled, hair not done, no makeup, not expecting anyone, opens the door hesitantly, to the form of a police officer who fills both his uniform and her doorway nicely) Ummm… Hi?

Constable Awesome: [insert real name here]?

Trill: Yesss..

Constable Awesome, whose awesomeness is about to make itself known, explains that he is there to get a statement, and that the Trill is in no trouble, so she need not stress. Breathing a sigh of relief, she clears off the kitchen table and sits down with him.

Const. Awesome: So, what’s your side of the story? (His face shows that he has a sense of humour, and is probably a really good guy)

The Trill and Constable Awesome spend over an hour getting her statement, four pages of his small-ish printing, and he puts her at ease, obviously sympathizing with her. She tells him about the couple in the car, and he assures her that he has already spoken to them.

Constable Awesome: If it makes you feel any better, she spent that day in the drunk tank. I want to charge her criminally with public mischief and mischief involving personal property, being your car, and if I can’t, I’m going to write her up for as many traffic violations I can find that apply.

Trill: (laughs a little) That does kind of make me feel better, a little. You’re sure I’m not in trouble?

Constable Awesome: (has advised the Trill that she should have stayed where she was, but that he understands that the situation was so out of the ordinary that her reaction was not unreasonable) No, in fact, at the lights behind you, waiting to turn, there was a cop car on its way to pick her up, she had been walking in traffic all morning, making people swerve to avoid her. She didn’t mention the incident with you, but she started flinging allegations that she had been physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, you name it. She came in on the 4th to report the incident with your car.

Trill: (shakes her head incredulously) Wow.

Constable Awesome: Yeah, and by the 6th, we had received a request for disclosure from her lawyer, so she had seen a lawyer even before she reported it. She’s obviously just looking for a lawsuit.

Trill: (turns white, then red, heart racing, tries to sound casual) Yeah, probably.

C.A.: It’ll never happen, once the lawyer gets disclosure, he’ll thank her for donating her retainer fee and drop the case.

Trill: (laughs nervously)

C.A.: Well, if you’ll sign, I think we’re done, if you have any questions, just give me a call. Oh, and the Province requires a collision report to be filed, and believe me, I fought my boss on that, but I got nowhere, so I’ll send you a copy of that.

Trill: Um, okay. (is about to cry, but holds herself together)

C.A.reassures the Trill again, is so super nice and obviously on her side, seeing her as the victim in the R.G.’s drunken escapade, smiles and ducks out the door. The Trill puts her copy of her statement into a folder and thanks God for sending her the perfect officer to handle the situation. She then cries for a little while, calls her mom, and takes a nap.

Scene 4

The Trill arrives home in the afternoon, and is greeted by Upstairs Friend Guy, who has been filled in by the Trill.

U.F.G.: Your police officer friend came by today.

Trill: Really?

U.F.G.: He had some papers to give you, but he wouldn’t leave them with me.

Trill: (tries to fight the knot of dread in her stomach, and shrugs) Weird.

The next day, it is pouring rain, and the back doorbell rings. The Trill opens the door to see Constable Awesome in wet weather uniform, lets him in, standing on the landing to talk to him.

C.A.: Here’s the collision report I told you about, it’s a Provincial thing, just send a copy to your insurance company so they have it on file, in case she tries to claim anything.

Trill: (gives the sheet a quick glance, knowing that there must be more to come) Okay, cool.

C.A.: (drops the other shoe, in the nicest possible way, everything about him conveying reassurance, he really is the nicest policeman ever). And here’s a ticket that I really didn’t want to write, I fought with my boss about this, until he flat out said ‘You will write this ticket’. So it’s a ticket for failure to report a collision, even though no one who doesn’t know traffic law inside out would never have thought that what happened was a collision. He then proceeds to explain her options: pay the fine, go to court on the specified date and try to get the ticket dismissed, and, if that doesn’t work, she can plead not guilty and go to trial, in which case he would be subpoenaed and be able to tell his side of the story.

Trill: Um, okay, thanks, that’s . . . Wow. Thanks.

C.A.: I couldn’t get her charged with public mischief, but she has been criminally charged with mischief involving personal property, so that’s something.

C.A. smiles, reminds her that she can call any time if she has concerns, and that if her insurance company wants to, should the R.G. file a claim, they can contact him, even though the police usually don’t get involved with insurance companies. The Trill is overwhelmed by gratitude and thanks him profusely before watching him walk out into the pouring rain. She then tell the U.F.G. what just happened, shaking her head at the outright absurdity of the whole fiasco, and goes back downstairs. She cries a bit, calls her mom, and is emotionally drained and more than a little stressed out.


Side note: as painfully obvious as it may already be, the Trill must admit to herself that she has a wee crush on the C.A. How is she to resist a tall blonde man with kind eyes and a sweet smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes? Not to mention that he fills out his uniform perfectly… Sadly, the one accessory he wears makes her stay in schoolgirl crush mode. It’s a subtle but nice gold ring on his left hand’ *Le sigh*

More to come as I get the motivation to write! Tune in for my trip to the courthouse, contact from the RG, and my dealings with my insurance company!