Mental health and Hellboy? Really?

So, in my quest to somehow manage my brain, I’ve come across a technique that helps. The source was decidedly unexpected, but I’ll take help wherever I can get it. With an anxiety disorder, one of the constant problems is the running monologue in the back of my mind. It runs a play-by-play of what’s going on, the possible repercussions, the ultimate worst possible outcomes of every situation, and what everyone around me must be thinking of me. It is exhausting. Absolutely exhausting.

Therapists have told me before that what I need to do is rewrite the script that constantly runs. Some people mentally yell “STOP” to quiet the racing thoughts. Some people have a mantra, or a Bible verse, or a word, even a happy place to calm their minds. I think those are great. I really do. But I have to get to the point where my mind is clear enough for me to actually use any of those techniques before they work for me.

My inspiration – and if my geekdom/nerdery wasn’t apparent before, it will be now – came from the movie Hellboy. Yep. I love that movie. Ron Perlman is an amazing guy, and Selma Blair is so cool. Having the voice of David Hyde Pierce as the voice of one of the main characters doesn’t hurt. And I’m a sucker for movies based on comics, especially those with an anti-hero. Anyway (easily sidetracked Trillian is easily sidetracked). Selma Blair’s character, Liz, starts fires. Not on purpose a lot of the time, and it can get pretty out of control. So, she winds up in a minimum security mental institution. There’s a scene after she’s had an incident, where she’s talking to an FB agent, and she snaps a couple of rubber bands on her wrist.

I had heard of it before, as aversion therapy for smoking, etc. But she tells him that she learned it in therapy for depression, among other things. And I had a light bulb moment. I am a tactile person. So I put a rubber band on my wrist. And when I feel my brain getting out of control, I snap it, and contradict whatever I’m fixating on. So, my wrist is a little pink most of the time. And the rubber band is kind of losing its elasticity. But it helps.

*snap* “It’s not the end of the world.”

*snap* “I’m not completely alone.”

*snap* “I will regret buying this.”

*snap* “Just stop it, already!”

*snap* “I am getting better.”

*snap* “He created my innermost being; He knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

*snap* “He will never leave me or forsake me.” Hebrews 13:5 – on a really bad day, I might have to go to the Amplified version for that one. ^_^

*snap* “He has plans for me, plans for good.” Jeremiah 29:11

Strangely enough, though probably not surprising to those who know me, I talk to myself a lot. Always have, though usually not out loud. So it’s not a big leap to do it intentionally. What is rather a struggle, is changing the tone of how I treat myself. I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself most of the time. So something’s gotta change. I have no intentions of being horrid to my friends, so I have to deal with the fact that I have not been very nice to myself, and change it. Wish me luck.

If this has amused you, I’m glad, if you can use my weird coping strategies to help yourself or suggest them to someone else, please do. We go through things for a reason, as trite as that sounds, and if, because of me, one person can laugh through their pain, or see a pinprick of light in their darkness, I’ll keep going through this stuff with a sense of purpose.


~ by Trillian on 12/01/2010.

5 Responses to “Mental health and Hellboy? Really?”

  1. Hi Trillian. Your candour and optimism make for quietly engaging writing, and I hope that this amounts to a raft to get across the (figurative) river before you.


  2. I’ve been fighting depression for several years, so I truly feel for you. I hope and pray you find some relief, somehow, someway. The medicine hasn’t helped much, but I take it every day because I don’t want to know how bad it might be without the meds.
    Best wishes to you and God bless. It’s a strange world that, thankfully, most people don’t ever experience.

    • Thank you for stopping by, and for your honesty. I know just what you mean about the meds, and the daily fight. I know that there will be a time when those of us in this odd world will get out and help pull the rest out with us. Be blessed.

  3. Proud of you – handlin’ it. Goodonya.
    Oh – and a big hug, k?

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